It was desire that brought me here, the foot of the greatest pursuit. Everything I relished made this navigation clearer. At first I was seeking myself, until it all lead to the end of me. There my creator was waiting to tell me that the end of me was not the end of ends. There was more to behold if only I journeyed beyond myself.
He said to me in the proverbial thunderous voice, “I am with you”. No doubt that was the voice of truth because it carried with it an essence consistent with everything that has been tested to be true and wise. I might struggle with describing this essence but I perceptively consider it accurate and complete in its depiction as truth; not the expression but the essence itself, or maybe both but more of the latter. My emphasis on essence is not injudicious, neither is it immaterial. For the unique make-up of everything that is subject to principles recognize and communicate (without inhibition) with the truth. Whether its actions are considered consistent with what it identifies as truth is beside the point, but I digress.
It was in that truth that a realization crystallized in my faculties that the line extended to Him, just where the end of me became clear. My creator, my source, the giver of life was the one beyond me, right where I was brought to my end. Suddenly there was more to seek, more to desire, more to venture, more to me. How did I become conscious of all these things you ask? I’ll attempt the most sensible answer, but I have to warn that it is unswerving from my initial discourse.
I was made aware of all the quests possible to me and I was made to taste of all the rivers of desire. As I journeyed in desire, I was made all the more empty by it, plagued by the default insatiability of man. I was journeying with men who had not only exhausted their desires but had a weight of years on their shoulders. They said to me, “… the real thrill is in the intensity of the desire; what makes it worth it is what we give up in the pursuit”. It was almost as if there were two balancing sides that measured the worth of our desires. On one side is the constant memory of what was lost in the pursuit, an endearing spuriousness of regrets balanced by the delight of a gratified desire on the other side.
And so on I went along the streams of desire which led to a sea where all pleasures wind up, the fate of men’s desires. This place had men who had pursued and conquered holding their trophies high for all others to see. A place of glittering commonness where men are told by what they have sought and got, wished and acquired, craved and consumed, conceived and executed. This place seemed glaringly glorious at first glance but I looked again and found that though it was the biggest pursuit for those men, none of them wanted to stay there once they got there. That place was only as appealing as the aspiration for it. Men wanted more. Some thought that the ultimate pursuit would be ruling that place and by implication owning the trophies of all other men, yet there was no place for two kings.
I stopped there and searched myself again, hoping that I might come in contact with the true origin of all my desires. And there I gained some measure of clarity. Like most men I was mistaken, I had missed the fundamental direction in my pursuit. My mistake was that I needed more, wanted more than me but instead of looking beyond myself, I chased my own cravings. In all honesty, that was just filling a black hole with all I have, knowing fully well that I would not be satisfied without it being completely filled.
My only recourse is to seek more than myself. I need to pick the other end of the line and journey towards my creator. In this I have found the ultimate pursuit. For my Creator is an endless line. Even if I had forever to infinity and beyond to pursue the end of Him, I will not reach the end of that rope. There will be more to relish, more unending pleasures to explore. The best part is that I don't have to wait to reach the end of myself to pick up the other end of the line, and that is what I am doing now. Seeking God, delighting myself in Him and enjoying the endless pleasures made possible by His true nature as God.